CollegeHumor has a wide range of topics that they cover in the forms of articles, comics, and videos. They have lists and features on movies and music, for example, as well as a shop where you can buy their merchandise. CollegeHumor is most known for is its original videos, some of the series include Badman and Hot Date. You can find most of them on their main YouTube channel, or on their second channel, CH2. They can have NSFW content at times, so they’re not really a site you’d want to browse when you’re at work, not that you would be surfing the Internet at work. Who does that?
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CollegeHumor is made up of articles and videos about pop culture. They have a bunch of great original videos that tackle topics such as movies and dating.
Something I've contended with all of my life is that mayonnaise sucks. It's a weird, gross condiment - egg yolk plus oil plus vinegar (or lemon juice) is just about the least appetizing combination of foodstuffs I can imagine, and the idea of putting that gloppy viscous stuff on my otherwise perfect BLT sandwich is absolutely revolting to me. Still, taste is a subjective thing - but you know what's NOT subjective? These bizarre weird facts about mayonnaise that prove it IS a very unusual condiment - one that has a lot of uses, but none of which are "sandwich improvement."
1. Mayonnaise can be used to remove tar from burn victims
Even though we don't live in the Middle Ages anymore, tar burns still occur every now and then - although they're typically just occupational hazards now for individuals working in various areas of construction / road maintenance / etc. But burns from hot tar are difficult for a number of reasons - specifically because tar dries and adheses to the skin, so removing it becomes a delicate process to pull as little healthy dermis as possible. How do hospitals do it? You guessed it - mayonnaise.
Not ALL hospitals will use mayonnaise for ALL tar burns, but many find it to be a useful solution for milder cases. Here was the conclusion of a case study done in Pakistan:
Thus the use of sunflower oil and mayonnaise for removing tar is recommended more over. If sunflower oil and mayonnaise are insufficient for removing a thick layer of tar, then the use of diesel is suggested.
Hear that? Mayo's alternative is goddamn DIESEL FUEL. I dunno about you, but I don't want my condiments also being that closely related to ACTUAL CAR FUEL. Still, pretty cool you can do this with it!
2. Mayonnaise can ALSO be used as....thermal paste for computers?
Hey - are you building a brand new PC but forgot to get thermal paste? And, for whatever reason, you just HAVE to get that computer up and running immediately, even though you forgot a key component necessary to make sure your computer doesn't catch on fire? Well, you're in luck - because mayonnaise serves as an EXCELLENT substitute for thermal paste (which, again, is meant to keep the working parts of your computer from actually catching on fire by eliminating open spaces to maximize the transfer of heat).
Kinda weird that mayonnaise just happens to work pretty well as a thermal paste, right? Well it gets even weirder - some studies have shown it actually works EVEN BETTER than many commercial thermal paste products....in the short-term at least. Mayo works real well for the first 24 hours or so, but its integrity and performance begins to degrade soon after (although you CAN continue using it longer)
3. It kills lice
Hey, here's another kinda bizarre, unexpected use for what is ostensibly an edible condiment - mayonnaise can be used to kill lice by suffocating them! See, mayonnaise's gelatinous, viscous texture makes it perfect for filling in any space and removing the gaps while also trapping anything it comes into contact with from making any kind of escape. Pretty gross (to me, at least) for food, but pretty great for MURDERING BUGS:
A few years ago, I unfortunately got lice. I tried all the products that the local drug stores had to offer and found that nothing worked. Afraid of killing more brain cells than lice, I refrained from using any more toxic chemicals on my hair and resorted to mayonnaise. It is a safe way to kill lice, and it works! Massage mayonnaise into your hair and cover it with a shower cap before you go to sleep. Wash it out in the morning and use a fine comb to comb out any dead eggs. If needed, repeat 7-10 days later.
So remember the next time you're thinking of putting mayo on your sandwich - this is the stuff you could lather onto your head to murder a bunch of bugs and have to dig out dead eggs afterwards! Mmm, yummy.
4. It's an instrument (sorta)
There's an old Spongebob scene where Patrick (being the dumb one, of course) naively asks if mayonnaise counts as an instrument. Squidward (being the one who is sick of everyone's bullshit all the time, of course) blithely responds that - of course - it ISN'T an instrument.
But here's the thing: it can totally work as an instrument. Because of it's gross, goopy, Jell-O-esque texture, it makes some pretty solid noises when slapped with a spoon, and it won't lose its shape too much (as proven by Youtuber Flamp):
5. Science says it's gross
Okay, enough beating around the bush - SCIENCE SAYS MAYONNAISE IS GROSS. Not that it tastes bad or ruins sandwiches, mind you, but that it is NATURAL that it triggers disgust in many people. Both Popular Science and Huffington Post have producted scientifically-backed articles explaining the nature of disgust, and why mayonnaise fits the bill for so many people - the short answer is "it looks like pus." Here's what Kendra Pierre-Louis of Popular Science has to say:
"Its viscous quality is the sort of thickness that you'd get from fluid oozing out of a rotted carcass as anyone who has ever poked a rotted squirrel with a stick can attest. Disgust also tends to align strongly with our revulsion about bodily fluids. We don't exactly market lemonade by saying that it looks like pee. And the creamy appearance of mayonnaise isn't dissimilar from what would emerge from say a popped zit."
But there's more - not only is it vaguely reminiscent in its texture, consistency, and coloring as one of the grossest bodily fluids (the one mostly associated with INFECTION, no less), but the fact that it JIGGLES winds up setting off alarms. Here's what Brown University's Rachel Herz (and author of That's Disgusting: Unraveling the Mysteries of Repulsion) was able to explain:
"Its texture is what makes it most repulsive. It has the ability to wobble and does not sit inert, even though it is not animate. The inert taking on qualities of an animate object can create feelings of disgust. Its moving implies a living thing, and living things can contaminate you."
Of course, not everyone is disgusted by mayonnaise - there is just plenty of scientific backing for people who are grossed out by EDIBLE PUS. So don't you dare hassle anyone who says they don't like mayonnaise or brush their concerns aside if you hand them a sandwich drenched in that stuff - they've got VERY GOOD REASON to not want to be near it.
There's a reason the show Friends has endured on as a pop culture phenomenon so long after it left the airwaves - there's something about having a group of fun, attractive friends with great chemistry who are constantly getting into antics that we all kind of wish we had. Because the reality is that OUR ACTUAL FRIENDS have the same problems actual humans (who are not sitcom characters) have - they're flaky, they can be shitty sometimes, they just wanna sit at home and watch Netflix insead of going out, etc. It's unfortunate, because it sure seems like it would be great to live in NYC and hang out with a group of funny eccentric people all the time, right?
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Warner Bros. Television
Warner Bros. Television / Shutterstock
We all fart - it's okay to admit that. We've all got gas building up in our butts (I'm pretty sure that's what's happening, in scientific terms) and we all need to pull the release valve every now and then. People try to hide it and pretend like their butts smell like roses and cinnamon rolls, but the truth is we all share the same dirty secret. Hide from it, run from it - your farts still arrive. The sooner we all acknowledge and accept that, the sooner we can collectively stop pretending someone's particularly gross for farting.
Except if you fart in a communal shower. In which case, SCREW YOU.
Anyways, that's why we put together a compilation of some of our favorite fart illustrations - to restart the conversation about everyone's butt gas and get it out in the open.
The kindest of all farts - silent and not very smelly, escaping your butthole like a fluffy puppy gently squeezing through a doggy door. The lullaby of farts.
You're on the toilet, you know a tropical shitstorm has been building behind your sphincter for hours now, and your butt precedes the imminent shit hurricane with a loud, bellowing, stank-ass fart that probably makes a few of the neighborhood dogs start barking wildly. Seems to mainly happen when you're at a friend's house or in a public bathroom.
You gotta shit, but you see an opening in the near future - the problem is, your butt's fart pressurization is at maximum capacity, and you're either gonna let out a massive fart or even shit your pants if you don't do something fast. So you clench your butthole and perform some gradual mini-farts to relieve the pressure - you have to be careful though, because there are a number of variations within this category, including:
- The Tiny Gust (the ideal Releasing the Valve mini-fart, silent and consequence-free)
- The Squeaker (where the mini-fart becomes audible, like you just sat on a duck)
- The Crack in the Dam (where the mini-fart cannot be controlled and turns into a full-fledged, loud-ass fart)
This can come in many forms - maybe you've got the pressure funcooker going, or maybe you're just feelin' a little fart coming on and you figure you might as well let it out...but then the unthinkable happens. It wasn't a fart at all - it was a tiny shit MASQUERADING AS A FART. And worse, it's a liquidy, wet tiny shit - and even though you immediately tried to suck it back into your butthole, you KNOW there's gotta be some residue on your underwear.
Same as the Stealth Shit, but it turns out to just have been a real wet fart that your butt tricked you into thinking left some poop behind. Underwear are still spotless, but your buttsweat leaves you shaken.
You feel the fart building and want to cut it off at the pass - a gentle, controlled release will keep it silent and inoffensive. So you start the release and....it doesn't stop. It goes on for, like, a full minute. Which is a long time for a fart! It's like a deflating balloon - how did this much gas even build up in your butthole? Is a fracking company planning on drilling into your butt?
You've felt it building in pressure betwixt your buttcheeks for a while, and you realize you don't have time to take a shit, but you can't NOT fart for much longer, so you give in - and you can somehow FEEL how stinky it is, even before the rancid fart-smell reaches your nose (although - disclaimer - we all KINDA like the smell of our own farts, so there's that). It's actually EXTREMELY WARM and seems to take forever to fully expel the gas - like warm molasses slowly pouring out of your butthole, except gaseous and really pissing off the lady sitting next to you on the bus.
Whoa - what the FUCK. You just farted - it was loud and stinks and, most importantly, it came out of FUCKING NOWHERE. You didn't even really think you had to fart - it just ESCAPED from your butthole. And as a result, you had no control over the release. Get your butt-game together, dude.
My personal favorite type of fart - it's actually a collection of smaller farts, but they really add up to something much larger. You're walking down the street (note: can only be meaningfully performed while walking outside by yourself) and feel the fart-bug tickling you, so you let out a small fart with each stride. It's kinda fun - it puts a bounce in your step, and the compilation of mini-farts guarantees you won't accidentally let out a massive loud number that might draw any attention. Just some little mini nitro boosts that only you and your stinky pants know about.
Ah, the tried-and-trusted top brand of fart - call it the Whoopee Cushion or the Duck Scream or Leather Couch any other variation, but we all know it: it's quick and loud and mildly stinky. It's the Coca-Cola of farts.
Honestly, even calling it beer is a bit of a stretch.
Are you tired of scrolling through social media only to find an endless parade of misery and hardship? Well YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE! Welcome to The Best Feelings in the World, where every single week I'll be chronicling some of the absolute best feelings out there. For at least the span of time it takes you to read this article, you can briefly remember that some things are just good and nice and it's okay to enjoy them. Without further ado, here are:
The 5 Best Feelings of the Week
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1. Drop a long, obscure word into conversation and act like it's no big thing.
2. Demonstrate responsibility.
3. Don't argue over petty things.
4. Keep a planner.
5. Like any TRUE adult, openly express the acceptance that Death has one bony hand hovering over your mortal soul at all times.
Katie surveys life experts Grant, Rekha, and Trapp on the worst way to announce you're knocked up.
"Smooth, cool, badass, British." These are the main traits you should be thinking about when you think of the cinematic James Bond, because everything else has been in flux nonstop since the series began with Sean Connery (and honestly not even always those traits were consistent - Brosnan was Irish and George Lazenby was Australian!). Sometimes Bond is brunette, sometimes he's blonde! Sometimes he's a bit older, sometimes he's young! Sometimes he's Scottish, sometimes he's from Wales! The truth is, these other details don't actually matter - Bond is a cool spy who has cool quips, does cool things, and hops into bed too readily with people who occasionally wind up trying to murder him.
So when rumors of Idris Elba taking over the role from Daniel Craig (who famously hates the role and wants out and DOESN'T want more millions of dollars and international fame, for some reason) started to float around, it shouldn't surprise you that the internet all universally supported the news and weren't horrible at all!
Just kidding. A lot of racists are mad - but they're not SAYING they're being racist, because they know that would make people call them "racist." Instead, they're using LOGICAL ARGUMENTS....that don't actually make any sense.
1. "He's too old to play James Bond!"
Idris Elba is 45 years old right now, and looks DAMN GOOD. If not for the bits of gray in his beard, you could tell me he was in his late 30s and I'd believe you. Besides that though, slightly more middle aged men are VERY in right now when it comes to action movies - the biggest stars around are Robert Downey Jr. (53), Tom Cruise (56), and Vin Diesel (51). And hell, Liam Neeson STARTED an action career at around age 60. But maybe you're more concerned about Idris Elba because he's STARTING as Bond at this age, so he wouldn't be able to play the character long enough to develop into something more interesting. Well, uh, I disagree!
- Robert Downey Jr. was 43 when he started as Iron Man in 2008, and has only gotten more popular and more beloved with age (he's 53 now and I don't think anyone's telling him to stop doing action movies)
- Pierce Brosnan was 42 when he started as James Bond.
- Roger Moore (the most prolific and long-lasting Bond) was 45 when he started out.
As long as he looks good and can handle the action scenes, what does it matter how old he is? Hell, weren't geeks super excited for Ben Affleck to take on an older, more gruff Batman? What if they wanted to do a bit of a more experienced Bond? A big theme in the Daniel Craig Bond films was that he was getting older!
Just seems that maybe - MAYBE - age is not the thing that's REALLY bothering people about this casting...
2. "He's white in the books!"
This is a genuinely wild one - people who are trying to use the CANONICAL LORE of James Bond to poo-poo ANY kind of choice. For one, the Bond films have only the loosest sense of continuity and lore imaginable even within themselves. For one, if this is supposed to be the SAME INDIVIDUAL throughout the films, he's over 100 years old at this point. Even the idea that each Bond is a 'reboot' is questionable, since there's bizarre bits of continuity BETWEEN actors - like Roger Moore's Bond visiting the grave of his deceased wife (from the George Lazenby Bond film, On Her Majesty's Secret Service) or the increasingly strange choice (but one I do like a lot) of having Judi Dench serve as M for both Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig, with no real explanation as to what was happening. The point is - lore and continuity don't actually matter between these movies. It's all arbitrary. Get over it.
But to go back to THIS weird argument - James Bond being canonically Caucasian in the Ian Fleming novels. Well, if you're SO CONCERNED with how James Bond was portrayed in the novels, then you should also demand Bond:
- Be a brutish, violent drunk (instead of a smooth cool operator)
- Have a big scar on his cheek
- Look "cruel" (a term repeatedly used to describe his looks)
- Be a drug addict (he would abuse methamphetamines regularly)
- Also his drink order should ACTUALLY be: "A dry martini. One. In a deep champagne goblet. ...Three measures of Gordon's, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it's ice-cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon peel."
Surprised no one ever seems to get mad that Bond's drink order is consistently wrong!
3. "Well, why don't we just cast a historically black character with a white actor then?!"
Ahhh the classic argument that comes up whenever a black actor is cast in a role that was historically white - I remember it fondly, like when Michael Clarke Duncan was Kingpin in Ben Affleck's Daredevil, or when....Idris Elba played Heimdall.
To pretend that there's no difference or that we're dealing with an even playing field is to be willfully ignorant and arguing in bad faith - the vast majority of comic book characters and popular characters in fiction were almost UNIVERSALLY and EXCLUSIVELY white for a long time. Hell, they still are to this day, no matter how much you hear people whining about "too much diversity." The majority of people in power in America in the entertainment industry are white - from executives down to creators. And most people tend to write what they know and their own experiences - and that leads to an overrepresentation of white characters.
And since pretty much 98% of all popular characters in the English-speaking world have been historically portrayed as white, it only makes sense that - if those characters are going to continue getting projects - maybe we could take a look at how importance their race is to the core of their characters. There ARE some characters where their race is an important facet of who they are - and these characters tend to be the non-white ones, who were created specifically to give some minor semblance of representation to minorities. The struggles and prejudices he faced growing up as an African-American are core to Luke Cage's being, whereas most white characters didn't have that kind of thought and meaning put into their race, because white was simply the "default" mode for major characters in fiction.
White people are overrepresented in film and TV, and every other minority is significantly underrepresented. That's the reality, and why minorities taking roles that had historically been portrayed as white men isn't the same as the reverse. Balancing the scales a bit shouldn't upset anyone other than racists who PREFER this imbalance - especially in cases like this, where Idris Elba is OBVIOUSLY AN INSANELY EXCELLENT CHOICE FOR THIS ROLE. This isn't an unnatural, forced fit or anything of the sort - Idris Elba was born to play Bond. He's on of the most versatile and impressive actors of our time - we should be GRATEFUL that he'd want in on a role with this much responsibility and this much baggage attached to it.
A. A Piercing Headache: Logically, you know there's not a knife sticking out of your skull right now, but it sure doesn't feel like it. You didn't know it was possible to cram that much pain into such a small area, but you'd give anything to make it stop. You hide from the light, pop a million aspirin, and drink however many gallons of water you think it will take to make this thing go away but it's no use. You're just gonna have to wait this one out.
B. The Liquor Sweats: It's so much worse than regular sweat. What last night was a delicious beverage, now feels to you like the poison it actually is. You can feel it seeping out of your pores in a way that makes you feel like you're reliving all your mistakes from last night over again. It sticks to your skin like a filmy scarlet letter that makes every part of you 10% more uncomfortable.
C. Stomach Full of Garbage: When your inhibitions were down last night, you decided it was a good idea to stuff your body like the garbage monster that you truly are. You don't fully remember what it is you ate but you can feel it in there rumbling around like an uninvited visitor that gives you acid reflux. What worse is even though you can feel that your stomach is full to the brim, your tummy is still somehow rumbling. You hope there's enough room in there because you're about cram a whole hell of a lot more in there.
D. A Bladder That's Ready to Burst: What goes up must come down and what goes in must come bursting out. Just about every drink you had last night is currently sloshing around in your pubic area and you want nothing more than to evacuate it. The only problem is that the very act of moving feels like it may cause the whole thing to pop. You carefully waddle over your bathroom with all the carefulness of a bomb squad, and when you make it there safely, you enjoy what is simultaneously the best and worst piss of your life.
E. Mystery Scrapes: As you slowly try to readjust to walking again, you notice a slight pain on your knees. You look down to see some scrapes that you have on both your knees. Did you fall? You don't remember falling.
F. Debris from a Fall: Really seems like you fell. You're still not entirely sure what happened, but you're glad you didn't get seriously injured. If you forgot falling, what the hell else are you forgetting?!? You grow increasingly more nervous.
G. Sore Shoulders From Passing Out: When your head hit the pillow last night, you thought that you went to sleep like a baby. Truth is, though, that you actually passed out, and in your drunken state you were unable to realize that the position you slept in was hell on your your back. The end result is sore shoulder muscles that would certainly hurt if you had any intention of walking today.
H. Questionable Bowels: Everything good has an ugly side and this is it. The best metaphor for how you're feeling right now and the unpleasant end of what was supposed to nothing but fun and games. Fixing the situation that's festering in your bowels is the first step to recovery, but....well let's just say it won't be pretty.
STAGE 1: You watch the same show together and each pay attention, even if one of you has to pretend to like the show more than they actually do.
STAGE 2: You watch the same show together, but ONE of you is on their phone a little more than they probably should be, and the other one is a LITTLE peeved about it.
STAGE 3: Both of you are on your phone and not paying attention to the show, but you both PRETEND to be paying attention.
STAGE 4: The TV is on, and both of you are doing completely unrelated things.
As all current subscribers to MoviePass already know, the company don't got their shit together. They are throwing everything, anything against the wall to try to turn a profit. Each week is a fresh new adventure as to what crazy shit our inbox is going to receive from them.
Instituting changes, backing down from those changes - no huge company decision is out of the question for ol' MoviePass. They've been sending me stuff recently though that really has me starting to think they might actually be done for good soon.
The survival rate for public humiliation has gotten way too high.
Don't worry, Brennan has the perfect dinner party guest list to kill Hitler and stop 9/11.
I'm sorry....can we not do this right now? If you've ever said this in real life, sorry bucko you're just living in The Truman Show because only movie characters say this and they say it all the damn time. Here are six of the most common offenders:
1. Guy in every Indie movie pleading with his shitty car that won't start
Come on, come on, come on! Not today! Don't do this to me today rusted blue car with duck taped seats! Can we not do this right now?? I got a big date with the frumpy girl who works at the book shop in this residential town in Maine! This is just my luck. And my phone is dead! How am I going to tell her I didn't just bail on her??
2. Daughter when her mom is embarrassing her while friends are over
*through a pained smile* Mooooom, can we not do this right now? I'm surrounded by a flock of very cool girls from my school who I don't hang out with that often and I can't have you trying to show them my 4th grade clarinet performance of When The Saints Go Marching In. Just leave us alone I swear I'll never ask anything of you ever again.
3. Unhappy couple at dinner who are trying to spare the children
Not in front of the kid, alright Sharon? Can we not do this right now? Don't make her suffer because of our shit. What's that sweetheart? Yes, honey you may be excused. Look at what you made her do. Can you not suck it up for 30 minutes so we can share a meal as a family? For ONE SECOND can you not think about yourself? While you take the time to answer that allow me to smash this plate full of food agains the wall!!!
4. Guy in the midst of a CRAZY SITUATION who can't cut out 15 seconds to explain what is going on to his gf for some reason
Babe, can we not do this right now? I'm sorry I've missed all your calls it's just that things have been INSANELY crazy the past 24 hours, I'll tell you all about it tonight I swear but for right now you're just gonna have to fuck off and not know anything because the crazy shit is still happening - I'm whipping around in this tornado of crazy. With the time spent just now explaining how crazy things have been I probably could've just told you what's going on but I'm not gonna do that, for right now I can only share this craziness WITH THE BOYS.
5. Businessman fielding a phone call from a loved one during the big presentation but putting work first
Honey I'm sorry this really isn't a great time. Can we not do this right now please? No I know this is a moment in the film meant to illustrate how I'm prioritizing the wrong things but the BIG PRESENTATION is happening right now. Investors have flown out from Japan I can't just leave right now. Look, I'll call you right when I'm done. That's a good compromise right? I've done this well?
6. Emotionally unavailable teen when being challenged to confront emotions
Look I'm...just not great at talking about this kinda stuff, ok? Can we not do this right now? I'm really tired and I've got a lot of school stuff to work on. Mom, I'm fine. No I don't wanna talk about it. The healthy thing to do here is play Madden until 3am not fall asleep, drink a 5 hour energy and bottle everything up inside of me until I die.
If you wanna see these walking talking clichés in action check em out here:
The 6 Types of People That Say "Can We Not Do This Right Now" In Movies pic.twitter.com/VNz0k0SD8N-- Ryan Creamer (@ryguyguyry) August 3, 2018
Thank god that Rekha noticed Trapp had no case on his phone. If she hadn't, who knows how long this negligence would have gone on.